Doberman Jokes

Doberman smiling with teeth showing.

The Doberman and the Parrot

Mrs. Brown’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn’t come over that evening and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. Don’t worry about my Doberman. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, don’t talk to my parrot!”

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Brown’s apartment the next day, he saw the biggest and meanest looking Doberman he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts, cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally, the repairman couldn’t stand it any longer and yelled: “Shut up you stupid ugly bird!” To which the parrot replied: “Get him, Spike!

doberman showing teeth and laughing

The Doberman Guide Dog

Two women were out for a walk. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, “Let’s go over to that bar for a drink.”
The lady with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just watch, and do what I do.”

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, lady, no dogs allowed.”
The woman with the Doberman said, “Oh, This is my seeing-eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman?” The woman said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very intelligent.” The bouncer said, “OK, come on in.”

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be hard but thought, “What the heck,” so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, lady, no dogs allowed.”
The woman said, “Oh, this is my seeing-eye dog.” The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The woman with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a friggin’ Chihuahua?!”

The Talking Doberman For Sale

A man was driving down a road and noticed a sign in front of a house that said, “Talking dog for sale”. Curious, he stops and rings the doorbell. The owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The man heads to the backyard and sees a Doberman. “Do you talk?” he asks the Doberman.
“Yes I do”, the Doberman replies. After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak, he says, “Wow, so what’s your story?”

The Doberman looks up and says, “Well, I discovered I could talk when I was young and I decided to help the government, so I worked for them. They had me traveling around the world, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one expected a dog would be listening.” “I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, but all the traveling really tired me out and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to move on.” “I moved on to a job at the airport doing undercover security work. I would wander near suspicious people and listen to their conversations. I uncovered some important information and was awarded many medals. Later I got married, had a litter of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The man was amazed. He goes back inside and asks the owner how much he wants for the talking Doberman. “50 bucks,’” the guy says. “50 bucks?! That dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?” “Because he’s a bloody liar. He never did any of that stuff”

The Liver And Cheese Joke

A Bulldog, Doberman, and Boxer walk into a bar looking for a cool drink. A beautiful female Poodle walks by and stops at their table, saying: “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.” So the Boxer says, “I love liver and cheese!” The Poodle replies: “That’s not good enough for me.” The Bulldog grumbles, “I hate liver and cheese.” And the Poodle says: “That’s not creative enough for me.” Finally, the Doberman says: “Liver alone… cheese mine.”

Do you know the Doberman Property Laws?

4 thoughts on “Doberman Jokes”

  1. My dobie talks to me all the time, she tells me when she needs to go out, when she wants something, and when she wants me to take a bone off of one of the other dogs and give it to her. She thinks its “all about the dobie”


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